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Open Question: Why am I so emotionless? and more... Open Question: Why am I so emotionless?I'm 17, 10/29/08 my best friend killed himself, and idk why but it didn't really affect me emotionally at all(I never talked to anyone about it). A couple weeks ago I moved from Michigan to Tennessee to get away from my mom and her dick boyfriend and I don't even miss any of my friends or family. when i was 13 my stepdad (my dad ditched out on me before i was born and i have no clue who he is(and that doesn't affect me emotionally either) and my stepdad got with my mom before i was 1 so he was always like my real dad) got addicted to meth and started getting really aggresive,he was constantly yelling at everyone and breaking evertying and he threatened to kill us several times, my mom finally ended up divourcing him and that didn't affect me either. Not even a year after that my mom ended up getting with some asshole who was constantly being a dick to me just for his entertainment. she then had a kid with him even tho we were already struggleing with money. and none of that affected me either . About 6 months ago I started thinking about killing myself, which really confuses me because compared to alot of people my life is good, and at first i didn't think anything of it but it was constantly getting worse, about 4 months ago I started cutting and once again I have no clue why, I just randomly get urges to do it and the more i ignore it the worse it gets and the the longer i wait the deeper i end up cutting, so I guess I do have emotions but... well I can't really feel them. and also I remember almost nothing that happened in my life past age 14 but from what I've been told all of my cousins and my sister and step brother were constantly making me miserable. When ever someone ask me to list good qualities about myself i freeze because I can't think of any. I have a lot of people that i chill with but I don't have any true friends, i've had 3 good friends in my life, 2 turned out to be backstabbing ***holes who were just using me and the other killed himself. I've had a few girlfriends but i didn't love any of them, I've actually never loved anyone, not even family, and that really disturbs me. last year i spend 2 months in juvie because my mom called the cops and said that i threatened to kill her even though i could never threaten to kill someone, and then told me that i got what i had coming because i did bad in school even tho i tried my hardest i just could never concentrate on anything longer then 2 minutes. I've been like that my whole life and when i was going to school it made my life hell because of all the trouble i'd get in at home for failing classes. there were a few years in my life where i was really bad with my mom, constantly flipping out and cussing her out, I finally got it under controll last year but she still constantly throws it in my face and acts like I'm a horrible person even though i hated myself after every fight i got in with her. I've had a couple therapist, and I've been in an anxiety counselling group and idk why but i could never tell them about wanting to kill myself and cutting, i really couldn't tell them any of my problems, I always feel like an ***hole when i complain about my life because there are sooo many people out there that have it so much worse then me. Sorry for all of the typing i know that no one wants to real all of that, i just got in sordove a trance when i started typing and couldn't stop, half of those were suppressed memories i didn't remember until i started typing, that's why all of the events i put are in a completely random order Also I live in my cousins living room 700 miles away from my guardian and a 45 minute drive away from the closest town and my cousin isn't exactly someone I could talk to about this kind of stuff so I have literally no one to talk to about this kind of stuff Open Question: How can I feel comfortable with myself, and make my relationships work?For a long time now Ive been very depressed and I've become very withdrawn. I just started going to a typical high-school, nothing special. I didn't expect that I'd find many friends, which I haven't. However, I didn't expect to end up as lonely as I am. I really have no true friends. I have one friend from my previous school who I can trust to some degree (I'm not so good at trusting others). All my other friends are just random "friends" I've made at my new school, but none of my relationships seem to truly flourish. I've been waiting to find a boyfriend for quite some time now, but all the guys I've been interested in have not been that interested in me and all the guys who have been interested in me have sort of been pushed away from me (if that makes any sense). Basically, I realize that all the friendships I make seem to end all of a sudden very soon after I've met these people. Especially when it comes to guys. And I realize that it is my doing. I don't feel comfortable with myself, I hate who I am and I have the lowest self-esteem possible. And because of my terrible self confidence I always put up an act when I meet new people. This act, obviously, doesn't work at all. It just makes things a whole lot worse. Thats the problem though. I can't be myself, because I've been picked on for being myself and everything like that. So, I feel like I can't be myself without being turned down by others and I can't be the person I act, because it has a similar effect. At this point, I feel like there is absolutely no point in trying find new friends or anything, because my relationships never work out. I believe that i can blame my low self-esteem for all of this. It makes me act funny around people and it makes everything small that goes wrong in my relationships seem like an even bigger "tragedy". And because I rarely speak it makes all the strange things I say sound even a whole lot stranger. I'm very sorry for explaining this matter very badly. I'm very bad at trying to express how I feel at the moment, because I guess I tend to repress some of the key problems from myself, just to avoid causing me more pain. I know that Ive written like tons of things very wrong and everything, but well, I dunno, I was just thinking about this issue and decided to post it up. Thanks Open Question: Problems with bestfriend?I have this best friend I love very much he's a guy. He recently started dating this girl named Rachael and she absolutely HATES me, she barely knows me and the reason she hates me is because she thinks I'm trying to get to her boyfriend, which is stupid because he's like a brother to me. She always yells at me and tries to start fights with me and her boyfriend who is my best friend doesn't say anything at all to her about it! Yesterday we got into a huge fight about that. I told him he never defends me or ever tells her to leave me alone, he says i should just ignore her but I can't take it! She's really hurting me and never leaves me alone. My question is, what should I do? Should we just not be friends or should I apologize to him? :( Open Question: Problem with friends Boyfriend.?My friend has a HUge problem. Her boyfriend that's is only had for 3 days is black and she is white. Her parents are not going to happy who does she tell them without being disrespectful. Her parents aren't racist just its a "FAMILY issue" I am trying to stay out if it. Open Question: boyfriend issues- how do i change my automatic reaction?Due to this economy- my boyfriend has had a very difficult time finding a job. After we moved in together, his job status has been up and down like crazy (keep in mind, he moved to a different state to be with me, hence why he started having job issues). It took him a month the first time to find something, and it was only seasonal and part-time. He was told they would keep him on after his 90 days, then found out they decided not to keep on any seasonals this year, no matter how good they were. He went from that, to working as a bouncer (but got laid off when the company decided to try and give itself a different image), to being laid off for two months, to working in a bike shop, to quitting that job because his boss was being sketchy to their customers, to now just finally getting a job- but commission only. When he's working- everything is great! when he's not- our relationship suffers. He gets this image in his head that his girlfriend is taking care of him so he feels less masculine. Sometimes, if I try and kiss him, he pushes me away- he said it feels like I'm giving him a pity kiss. he gets a short temper as well. we joke around like little kids who poke each other and play hit each other (i.e.- slap on the knee...etc- nothing actually painful- just playful) Usually when i try to hit him back, i miss- but every once in a while I don't. Of the times that I don't- about 1/3rd of the time, he gets mad. he has a trigger word- if I say "leave then" or "why don't you stay the night somewhere else tonight"- whether it's apart of the joking situation or not- he gets FURIOUS and leaves. If I get in his way of the door- he gets even more upset. This happened last night. He left, and stayed the night at a friends house. HERE's my MAIN issue: *I am a person who likes to talk and hash it out right then and there, and can't sleep or eat till it is *HE is the type who likes to have his space, be by himself for 6-8 hours, then come home and talk..on his terms Here's my problem- I have a hard time just letting someone walk out in the middle of an argument. It eats me up on the inside. He hates being "pestered" and it makes him need more space. I keep reliving the argument in my head over and over again until its resolved. When this happens- what can I do to keep myself distracted and from bothering him with text messages as he's away? I know the fighting will end as soon as he is done with his training at work and starts getting paid, but until then- what can I do? How do I stay out of the fire? Open Question: How do i tell him this!?!? Please help me!?I recently found out that i am pregnant, now, it's not telling my boyfriend that i'm pregnant thats the problem, (we both want kids) But tonight i did some working out, and i am about 95% sure that it isnt his,he knew that i slept with this other guy, its veeerrrry complicated, but i just wanted to forget the whole thing with the other guy, because i really like the other guy as well, and trying to stay away from him because i love my boyfriend so much. But i still need to tell my boyfriend its not his somehow, should i tell him when i first tell him i'm pregnant or what? Please help me i dont know what to do! thanks sammie, i wish i didnt have to tell him, but, we are both white, and the other guy is black, so its probably gonna be obvious when it comes out, and i think he would rather know first. Open Question: We Came across our first problem..?This girl Ive met is so beautiful to me, inside and out.. and well she cant get this girl named Emily from my life outta her head.. she asked me about the girl, was persistent, and I told her. emily and I arent together, emily has another boyfriend, emily and I have kissed before and used to talk and had feelings for eachother. but I like this new girl. we'll call her "greece beauty" because shes 100 percent greece. greece beauty says she's happy about it one day, than sad the next, that she cant get it outta her head.. and she thinks maybe Emily and I are meant 2 be.. problem is I want to be with greece beauty..I think greece beauty may be insecure because she's been hurt in the past.. Any advice would help, thank you. Open Question: should i waste my tears over him?i've been having a lot of problems with my boyfriend lately and now i learn he's gone for a whole 2 months. i already feel "unwanted" and hes going to be gone for so long. i dont know what to do anymore? lately he hasnt been the guy i used to know. hes never sweet anymore and i feel like all he wants from me is for someone to cuddle and kiss with him all day. is he worth my tears? i really do have feelings for him and i usually see him every day. i havent seen him in a day and i already miss him. & i dont think i can wait 2 months to see him anymore Open Question: It hurts really bad. Should I break up with him?So this is kind of my fault. I told my boyfriend about my fantasy to get spanked by a guy, and he said he'd be glad to do that for me. Problem is he hit me far harder than I could handle and basically held me down refused to stop until I had tears in my eyes. I did tell him to quit, but he thought I was playing a game...like the whole being punished and begging for mercy thing. So he continued. Now, hours later my butt is still really tender to the touch...feels as if there's internal bruising or something. When he asked why I was crying, I told him that I was totally serious about telling him to stop, and he did apologize and said I could kick him in his balls if I wanted. He asked if he could give me a back rub or if I just wanted him to get out of my house, and I told him I didn't really care what he did, so he pulled up a chair next to my bed and rubbed my back until I fell asleep. So he is remorseful, but now I'm kinda scared of him. Should I continue to date him accepting that it was my fault or leave him? Open Question: How do i get my annoying ex to back off a little?My ex boyfriend is actually starting to annoy me now. The more i avoid him, or ignore him, the more determined he is to speak to me. He's very manipulative as well, he knows how to pull the sad boy eyes, and give the hurt tone. The bottom line is when i used to date my ex he'd treat me like crap. He would do things like trick me with warm conversation and empathy into believing he had real feelings for me. Once he got sex no matter what he was like an ice cube. He was too ashamed to introduce me to his family, and in the whole year on and off i was seeing him, he took me out twice and never offered me food in his home at all. Everytime i break up with him first it was the begging. Then the more i realised how much of a jerk he was, the longer i'd cut him out. Last time i cut him out for months, i was ridiculously happy pretending like he didn't exist. He lives opposite me, so if i saw him on the street i wouldn't even say hi, i'd just cross the road. Last week he cornered me in front of my house and started giving me this sob story about how he thought we had a great time he didn't know why i stopped taking his calls. I remember that the time he was talking about, he was a total **** wipe. Called one of his friends to get weed of him when i wanted us to share a private time, wouldn't drop me off home and shortened our time together. When i used to try and make conversation with him he'd turn up the volume of his music, or tell me that he wasn't an intelligent person. Everytime he tries to worm his way back into my life, he pretends to be genuinely interested in how i'm doing what i've been up to? It's all such crap. He's the nicest person on the phone, real friendly and charismatic, but also extremely good at playing the hurt party. How do i cut him out for good. I'm never really happy with him, the only problem is i'm such a sucker for a sob story...he's always got one. How do i cut out the idea of a relationship with him, and get him to accept a distant friendship? I think he'd make a jokes friend but is a crap boyfriend? Any tips? Open Question: Can you turn a booty call into a boyfriend?I've had a crush on this man since I was 16 years old. He lived on the same street as I did, we rode the same bus and for years he never knew I secretly had a crush on him. Fast forward 18 years later and we see each other at the store and exchange numbers. We end up being intimate over the next year and a half. We don't date, just hook up late nights and "do the grown up" for lack of a better term--lol. As a new decade approaches, I find myself wanting to either make it more or leave it alone totally. I have always been afraid to really express myself so telling him that I want more is going to be a problem for me. I guess I need to know if I should even make the effort considering that after 19 months he hasn't bothered to make a move in the boyfriend direction either. What do you think? More Recent Articles |
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