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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Open Question: how do you judge his behaviour (iphone + my jealousy)? and more...

 
 



Open Question: how do you judge his behaviour (iphone + my jealousy)? and more...

Open Question: how do you judge his behaviour (iphone + my jealousy)?

dear all, please don't judge me based on my own story, but please try to help me with your sincere advice. i'm in a relationship of 8 years + love my boyfriend very much. we are different and had our problems in the past. i had an affair too, which i told him, but this is 3-4 years ago. so it should not bother him that much anymore (i hope). the thing is the following: my boyfriend is a very outgoing and charming guy. sometimes a bit too nice ;) i agree being a bit jealous, but not over the top. in a normal way. i'm quite relaxed in general but there is some things which just bother me. it concerns his CELL PHONE which he truly uses every thinkable moment, if i'm around or not. it's the first thing in the morning (in bed) that he checks his iphone and surfs on the internet.. and.. basically every moment i can think of. he knows how much this annoys me but never changed. lately, i admit having exagerated a bit with my jealousy + agree i have to change this. i checked his cell-phone (once or twice only) and found messages which were upsetting me a bit. one girl was trying to hit on him (but he replied neutral) when i told him, he was angry at me of course. now, only since some weeks, my boyfriend acts in quite an agressive way. if now i just have a wondering look on my face (concerning his ipone) he tells me sometimes hurting and insulting things + became just unloving and unkind some times. i also noted that he never cuddles in bed, doesn't get close to me. but this is since months and months. the worst happened yesterday: we went to the movies + when i returned from the restroom, he was standing a bit offside, staring at his iphone, very concentrated, tiping something (not sure anymore). when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes (me), he flipped through the iphone very nervously and ended what he had been doing immediately when i got close. of course i asked + wondered. but in a neutral way as i know how much he dislikes questions. what followed was our worst fight.. he told me that "yes" he had a lover and "yes" he had been texting his girlfriend. of course i thought he was - again - just acting and really trying to hurt me. i did not believe his words. should i? basically, that night, he told me i was extremely jealous and destroying everything + i told him i no longer could stand his mean behaviour, his lovelessness and verbal agressiveness. finally, i had to promise him to no longer bother him whenever he is on his iphone or computer. and not check his phone anymore. it was the only solution yesterday.. but now.. i just feel empty. i honestly think it always takes two to have a bad situation. i wanted to promise to change my jealousy and not react anymore. i try hard to be more distant and easy. should i change myself and accept simply everything? i try hard to be calm and easy... but at the same time think i have to hide myself. hide everything i am. i feel so sad. so empty. as i am still not completely convinced that he's such a saint. it's just so hurting to see him scroll through his phone all the time, checking his facebook account, checking phone messages every thinkable moment. just acting so restless and always absent. wouldn't anyone ask questions?

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Open Question: how do you judge his behaviour (always on his cell phone surfing + texting)?

dear all, please don't judge me based on my own story, but please try to help me with your sincere advice. i'm in a relationship of 8 years + love my boyfriend very much. we are different and had our problems in the past. i had an affair too, which i told him, but this is 3-4 years ago. so it should not bother him that much anymore (i hope). the thing is the following: my boyfriend is a very outgoing and charming guy. sometimes a bit too nice ;) i agree being a bit jealous, but not over the top. in a normal way. i'm quite relaxed in general but there is some things which just bother me. it concerns his CELL PHONE which he truly uses every thinkable moment, if i'm around or not. it's the first thing in the morning (in bed) that he checks his iphone and surfs on the internet.. and.. basically every moment i can think of. he knows how much this annoys me but never changed. lately, i admit having exagerated a bit with my jealousy + agree i have to change this. i checked his cell-phone (once or twice only) and found messages which were upsetting me a bit. one girl was trying to hit on him (but he replied neutral) when i told him, he was angry at me of course. now, only since some weeks, my boyfriend acts in quite an agressive way. if now i just have a wondering look on my face (concerning his ipone) he tells me sometimes hurting and insulting things + became just unloving and unkind some times. i also noted that he never cuddles in bed, doesn't get close to me. but this is since months and months. the worst happened yesterday: we went to the movies + when i returned from the restroom, he was standing a bit offside, staring at his iphone, very concentrated, tiping something (not sure anymore). when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes (me), he flipped through the iphone very nervously and ended what he had been doing immediately when i got close. of course i asked + wondered. but in a neutral way as i know how much he dislikes questions. what followed was our worst fight.. he told me that "yes" he had a lover and "yes" he had been texting his girlfriend. of course i thought he was - again - just acting and really trying to hurt me. i did not believe his words. should i? basically, that night, he told me i was extremely jealous and destroying everything + i told him i no longer could stand his mean behaviour, his lovelessness and verbal agressiveness. finally, i had to promise him to no longer bother him whenever he is on his iphone or computer. and not check his phone anymore. it was the only solution yesterday.. but now.. i just feel empty. i honestly think it always takes two to have a bad situation. i wanted to promise to change my jealousy and not react anymore. i try hard to be more distant and easy. should i change myself and accept simply everything? i try hard to be calm and easy... but at the same time think i have to hide myself. hide everything i am. i feel so sad. so empty. as i am still not completely convinced that he's such a saint. it's just so hurting to see him scroll through his phone all the time, checking his facebook account, checking phone messages every thinkable moment. just acting so restless and always absent. wouldn't anyone ask questions?

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Open Question: What should I do? I'm obsessed with this girl.?

There's a girl I've been friends with for about a year now but the other night we went a bit further and we made out. I'm always had minor romantic feelings for her but after that night I'm full-blown in love with her. The problem is she has this on-again off-again boyfriend who lives far away in another state. The guy told her that he wants an "open relationship" and is seeing other girls which is why she was okay with kissing me. The problem is after we made out she told me "don't get too attached to me" What should I do? Should I still try to pursue her romantically? I feel like I would be a much better boyfriend to her..

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Open Question: How do you deal with a friend like this?

I'm really beginning to think she is incapable of seeing anything from any viewpoint but her own. So she called me last night, really upset about how based on past experiences and an online quiz, she thinks she may have ____ disorder. So ok. I'm listening and all that. But every other word out of her mouth is "but you don't understand, you wouldn't understand, you had it good, you had it easy," and it is the most annoying thing in the world. Especially when she knows I was just locked in the Psych Ward for a week over issues with Bipolar Disorder. And I feel like I don't even want to talk to her about anything because she can't just have a problem, it has to be THE biggest problem ever, and you can't relate because "you have it so easy." Or the time I told her I had just (like 5 days ago) broken up with my boyfriend of 5 YEARS. We were 22. I had been with him since I was 17. Couldn't get a word in edgewise because she was so busy talking about her hair, and then starts up about HER boyfriend (of 5 months) and THEIR issues, and then says "but you wouldn't understand how much he means to me, you've had boyfriends in high school, you had this guy for five years, you have it easy." I JUST TOLD HER I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM!!! She's talking about some small issue between her and her guy, which must not have been that serious, because not two sentences later, she's going down the list of all the pet names she has for "Chris," who has the same first name as my now ex-boyfriend. WTF... What am I supposed to do with someone like this?

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Open Question: Can i get her back? What choices do i have besides moving on?

Me and my ex were together for 9 and a half months. We broke up because of arguments that were my fault. We were planning on getting eloped in January. She told me she wanted me to find the person she fell in love with and to realize the real reasons that i got with her in the first place. I did that and a whole lot more. Then family problems and other stress drove her to become emotionless and she couldn't love anybody. I tried to show her how much i cared and wanted to help ease her pain. Then i was laid off from my job (only place i could really see her in person) and now after a month since then and no contact what so ever. She has a new boyfriend that i know is a liar and all around bad guy. Shes a good person and i feel fully responsible for her fall from who she really is and i can see shes somewhat lost. we broke up 4 months ago and I just want to know if there is still any hope of me getting her back? I saw here at a party recently and her new boyfriend tried to start a fight with me when i was standing up for her because a friend of his called her a b****. I wouldn't fight him because i promised her i wouldn't fight any new guy unless she gave me the word. before i left the party i let her know that i love her through my friend delivering the message since i wasn't able to see her after that. It made her smile and she said she was sorry. I'm not entirely sure whats she was sorry for but i let her know once everyday that i love her.

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